An Oral History of This Article

by Chris Alarie

Oral histories are one of the more prominent recent journalistic trends. In that spirit, we decided to present you, the reader, with the oral history of this article that you are now reading.

Chris Alarie (Senior Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine; author of this article): This was actually one of the first articles that I pitched when we were first discussing ideas for UVM. Nobody else seemed to be particularly excited about it, though.

Alexis Faulkner (Executive Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine): I had a few different concerns, with the primary one being that it didn't seem to be a particularly interesting idea.

Douglas Slayton (Professor Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine): I just think everything Chris writes is stupid.

Alexis Faulkner: I mean, Clickhole has run a number of hilarious fake oral histories.¹ McSweeney's ran an “Oral History of Oral Histories”. And apparently so did The Daily,² which in turn led to a terrible “Oral History of the Oral History of Oral Histories” in the Observer.

Douglas Slayton: I mean, he's always fucking talking about how much he hates horses. What is his fucking deal with that?

Chris Alarie: I decided to proceed with the article anyway, despite the concerns of my fellow editors.

Alexis Faulkner: Plus, I was pretty sure that the only way he could fill the article would be to make up a bunch of fake quotes from people whom he has never even met.

Bill Simmons (Former Editor-in-Chief of Grantland): Chris told me about his idea and I thought it was great! During my time at Grantland, I made sure we ran as many oral histories as possible.

Alexis Faulkner: Besides, even real oral histories are a pretty lazy, stupid way to fill space.

Bill Simmons: No topic was too insignificant or stupid for us.

Alexis Faulkner: I mean, I understand their usefulness in an academic context, where presenting as many different perspectives on a topic as thoroughly and objectively as possible is important. But as a form of journalism, it just seems like either a way to avoid turning interviews into a real story or just a way to geek out over a topic not deserving of such attention.

Bill Simmons: We literally did an oral history of “The Super Bowl Shuffle”. Who the fuck needs to read something like that? Nobody! But we did it anyway, to fulfill the public's lust for oral histories.

Chris Alarie: I suggested that I use the piece as a means to examine why the oral history is such a popular technique. Like, maybe people read them because it makes them feel like they are being included in some sort of insider-style explanation of the subject beyond what could normally be conveyed in a more conventional article—sort of like a DVD commentary track. Or maybe by presenting so much information in a relatively direct manner, the oral history flatters the reader's intelligence by allowing them to feel as if they are synthesizing complicated information themselves.

Alexis Faulkner: He just kept saying, “Oral histories are like DVD commentaries.” But he refused to elaborate.

Douglas Slayton: I mean, he will just fucking shoehorn this paranoid, horse bullshit into any conversation, whether it makes sense to do so or not.

Alexis Faulkner: I literally got about five emails from him that said just that, in increasingly larger font sizes.

Chris Alarie: I think my persistence and sophisticated analysis eventually won them over because they eventually enthusiastically embraced the idea.

Alexis Faulkner: I kept telling him that it was a terrible idea for an article but I knew it didn't matter. He does whatever the fuck he wants anyway. He's made a total mockery of our editorial process.

Chris Alarie: So I sent Doug and Alexis the first draft of the article—basically everything up to this point—and they really seemed to like it.

Alexis Faulkner: Once it became clear that he was going ahead with the article despite my objections, I kept asking him to send me an outline or a draft or something. I wanted to make sure that he wasn't quoting me despite me explicitly asking him not to.

Chris Alarie: Alexis wrote back, “This is great! I think all you need to do is find a nice, tidy way to wrap things up.”

Alexis Faulkner: Or even worse, fabricating quotes from me.

Chris Alarie: And Doug just texted back a thumbs up and a surfer emoji.

Douglas Slayton: He seriously makes me uncomfortable sometimes.

Chris Alarie: All-in-all, I think it has been a successful project and I am excited to present it to you, the reader.

Douglas Slayton: I genuinely worry that it is dangerous for me to continue to associate myself with such a mentally unstable person.

Chris Alarie is Senior Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine.

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1 RandBall's Stu's “An Oral History of Nick Punto Sliding Headfirst into First Base” is another excellent example of a fake oral history.^↩
2 For whatever reason, all evidence of this particular “Oral History of Oral Histories” seems to have disappeared. I don't want to say that it is the work of the Vast Equine Conspiracy, but I would be remiss if I didn't at least mention the possibility.^↩