My Important Podcast with Chris Alarie: Episode 9

by Chris Alarie

This week on "My Important Podcast with Chris Alarie" things get a little bit strange.



Chris Alarie is Senior Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine.
Doug Slayton is Professor Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine.

Four Nights of Dreaming

by Nicole McKeon

I

I am                 youth incarnate

a young boy

            full of blood

I am

running away from home

            (or)

I am

jumping on the train

stowaway daydreams

my younger brother

            tries to follow

his small palms are slippery

            with sweat

he falls back on the tracks

hard

he is not moving

I do not move

II

Our shiny badges proclaim

three letters

we are looking for

a missing child

a dead child

we are in the home of a

            too tall woman

her eyes are shifty

and she is holding a knife

but we have guns

and we are not afraid

            she has all these doors

                        that won't open

III

Zach Galifianakis

is debuting a new

flavor of Skittles

they are marbles

of blue and purple

there is a party but

no one has tried them

yet, they might be glass

IV

I am walking to the park

there is a vending

machine

selling rare chips

and beer

I am tied between

margarine and Armani

when I remember

I don't have any coins

and I go into the park

where some kids bully me

for not being good

at the monkey bars

 Nicole McKeon is forever a student. She currently lives on the top of a hill with her partner and dog. She can be found playing video games when she’s supposed to be writing poems. 

Three Cola Poems

by the Editorial Staff of Uncanny Valley Magazine


Salt , Sweet.
by Douglas Slayton

When I have had too much
I can't sleep. Shifting endlessly
through the night

but it fills me
until I sink again.

There is a bubble
moving with my blood.
Always expecting the worst
but left waiting.

I have had too much, again,
and think that if energy
can't be created or destroyed
all I should feel is infinity
inside of me


I'm a Motherfucking Champion & Nothing Can Stop Me
by Chris Alarie

Too high
to die

Winners never
Drink Pepsi

Coke
by Alexis Faulkner

Walk into the center of the city
Stop to stare at the unforgiving mass
Of people huddled around the taxis and the chocolate shop and all of the pixels
Daydream about when coming to
TIMES SQUARE was electric
Feel your first gulp of homesickness in weeks
When you see the cola sign
Think about the bay bridge
Grab a slice
Catch a train home


Alexis Faulkner is Executive Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine. 
Chris Alarie is Senior Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine.
Doug Slayton is Professor Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine.

Remembrances of Yogi Berra

by Steve Alarie

I remember when I met Yogi Berra in Walnut Creek in 1964. My dad had just bought me an icea cream cone at the Walnut Bowl. The ice cream fell off the cone when I licked it and it fell on the ground. Yogi was walking by me and said, "Tough shit, kid." And then I started crying because his big ears scared me. My older brother slugged my arm.

Wait, it wasn't 1964. He was in Walnut Creek during the World Series in 1962. Yeah, now I remember. It was Hokey's Burgers. I was choking on a french fry and he laughed at me. My face turned blue and he said, "Knock it off, kid."

I remember when I first met Yogu Berra. It was in Walnut Creek in 1962. My dad had just bought me an ice cream cone. I think it was lime sherbet from the Walnut Tree Restaurant. I was walking out of the restaurant and, with my first lick, accidentally knocked the ice cream off the cone. Of course, I started crying. Berra walked by and said, "Stupid kid, stop crying." And then he slapped me on the side of the head and kept walking. You should have seen the size of his ears!

Actually that was a lie. I never met Yogi Berra.

Steve Alarie found 1647 pennies on the ground last year. He has made almost $1100 dollars this year from collecting cans from the garbage in public parks and taking them to recycling centers.

In Conversation: Ryan Adams's '1989'

by Douglas Slayton and Chris Alarie

In the first of an irregular series, two of our editors discuss a pertinent topic—in this case, Ryan Adams's full album cover of Taylor Swift's 1989.




Chris Alarie (Senior Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine): I suppose the best way to start our discussion of Ryan Adams's album length cover of Taylor Swift's 1989 is to lay bare our allegiances: you are a huge fan (maybe just short of a superfan) of both artists while I am something of an agnostic on both fronts. I'm pretty sure the only Ryan Adams album I've ever listened to all the way through was his nostalgic, 80s hardcore-style EP 1984. And I am pretty much only familiar with Swift's original version of 1989 from hearing the big radio hits ("Shake It Off", "Bad Blood", "Welcome to New York", "Blank Space") at the supermarket. That said, I think this is a relatively successful project. It may not be the most important or serious artistic statement and not all of Adams's versions of the songs are interesting, but in its high points, it is an enjoyable listen. What say you, Doug?

Douglas Slayton (Professor Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine): I think that is a fair assessment of how I feel about both artists. It is actually funny for me that this record exists, as they are two of the only currently active "mainstream" artists that I genuinely care about. As such, when this was announced, I was stoked. My feelings sound like they are more complicated than yours, but that may be colored by anticipation. I want to get into this because I want to work through these feelings. What are the bits you found to be interesting?

CA: I think Adams did a good job with the hit songs, for the most part. I know Adams had originally said that he wanted to cover 1989 in the style of the Smiths but on the finished product, his touchstones seem to be MOR 80s dad rock like Bruce Springsteen and Dire Straits as well as college rock like R.E.M. and the Replacements. 

The Springsteen influence seems particularly strong on "Welcome to New York" and "Shake It Off". The expansive, driving Springsteenish midtempo stomp that Adams brings to "Welcome to New York" really seems to fit the sentiment of the song. It is the song that most evenly divides itself between Swift's original and Adams's other influences while still bringing enough originality in Adams's performance. It is not my favorite song on this album but it is probably the one that most successfully realizes Adams's intentions.

His version of "Shake It Off" is less successful as it is more of a pure pastiche. As Christina Caterucci points out on Slate, it is basically just Adams reimagining Swift's hit as Springsteen's "I'm On Fire". Maybe it's the specifity of the reference or maybe it's because Adams doesn't really bring anything original to the song, but it just doesn't work as well as "Welcome to New York".¹Really, it seems much closer to Father John Misty's obviously comical cover of Adams's cover of Swift done in the style of the Velvet Underground. Misty's version of "Blank Space" is a pitch perfect send up of the Velvet Underground—while also simultaneously revealing the weakness of Swift's lyrics. The difference is that Misty is aiming for humor and criticism (not just of Swift, Adams, and Lou Reed but also of the whole post-modern, ouroboric nature of internet culture) while Adams is trying to produce something more heartfelt and faithful (if not exactly reverant).

I think Adams is much more successful in his cover of "Blank Space". Like "Shake It Off", he turns it into a primarily acoustic ballad. But unlike "Shake It Off", there is no other immediate reference. Indeed, it falls squarely within the tradition of acoustic covers of pop hits. While most acoustic covers are unsuccessful because they are either lazy or poorly suited to the song, Adams's version of "Blank Space" works well because of the earnestness of his vocals² and the quality of the melody. "Blank Space"—which is probably the song I like the most of the Swift originals—is a (musically, if not lyrically) well-written song and thus is well-suited to Adams's  stripped down interpretation.

What do you think, Doug? I suspect that you may not agree with me on some of these points.

DS: I knew we were going diverge pretty early in this discussion, but I almost feel bad that it was at the beginning. When I first started the record with "Welcome to New York", I immediately begin to have misgivings. In subsequent listenings, I have come to appreciate it more. The issue I seem to be having is that I have listened to the Swift version so many times at this point that I still hear hers. So there has been a transition period for me. The observation about the Springsteen elements make sense, though. Springsteen, and by extension similar heartland-styled rock, has never done anything for me. So the times Adams has leaned on this influence in the past, it has largely left me cold. 

"Shake It Off" is easily one of my two favorite songs on the record though. It gelled for me immediately, which, again, is strange because the Swift version had the opposite effect when it first debuted. As a non fan of Springsteen, I am not familiar with "I'm on Fire" so maybe that helps my appreciation. There is an authenticity in Adams's delivery of Swift's words that works for me, but that has always been Adams's strong suit and is the place where the two of them are most closely connected.

The parts of this project that work for me have to do with both Adams's and Swift's roots in country music. There is that simplicity to Swift's songs that gets muddied on 1989 a little with the poppiness of it all. At the heart of Adams's work here is him finding that a little bit of simplicity and drawing it out, which is why most of the subdued songs work for me, except "Blank Space."

It doesn't feel like Adams is having any fun with "Blank Space". I get to that song with every listen and the momentum of the album just crashes. There is pained quality to his performance of "Shake it Off" that resonates with me, while "Blank Space" is the one point on the record where he felt like "oh, I am doing EVERY song on this thing, aren't I?" It is actually shocking that we had the exact opposite reaction to those songs.

Along with "Shake it Off", the track that worked the best for me was "Style". This could go back to me already being invested in the original and this being one of two songs, along with "Clean", that diverges the least from the originals. I have some minor quibbles in that some of his lyrical changes (the Sonic Youth reference) don't really add anything, but ultimately it seems like this is one of the songs that he felt most invested in.

CA: Yeah, I agree that "Style" is one of the better songs on Adams's album. In fact, I liked it so much that I went and listened to Swift's original, which I had never heard. ³ And it's interesting that you mention his lyrical changes because that Slate article that I linked above includes an interesting analysis of how Adams's lyrical changes reinforce heteronormative pop song tropes. I am not going to defend Adams's changes but I will say that I think "Daydream Nation" scans better than "James Dean daydream" to me.

So how much of our difference of opinions on Adams's album comes directly out of our different expectations before listening to it?

DS: The argument about his lyrical changes is good as it is a problem that that pops up in a couple places on this record. "Wildest Dreams" suffers from that heteronormativity probably the most and maybe actually hurts the song more than similar changes on "Style".

The "Daydream Nation" line has a slightly different meter than the original that isn't as pleasing for me. The alliteration of "James Dean Daydream" adds a stuttering to the vocal rhythm that I like.

I think our expectations colored our experiences pretty significantly. I have seen lots of my friends who are Swift fans dig this, so my feelings may be not be the norm for us Swift fans. Ditto for fans of Adams. I have spent a lot of time listening to Swift's 1989 since it came out. It has been one of those records that I will just leave on repeat while I do what I do, so it probably is in my bones at this point, making Adams's version a difficult fit. As someone who had not spent the time with original maybe that made this a better thing for you? You mentioned listening to some of Swift's after but how much have you gone back?

CA: I literally went back and listened to her version of "Style" half of one time so I could compare it. But I didn't finish it because I found her version to be boring. Taylor Swift: the celebrity and Taylor Swift: the songwriter definitely seem to be figures worthy of attention but I find Taylor Swift: the singer to be generic and unmemorable. If somebody were to play me unfamiliar songs by Swift, Carly Rae Jepsen, and, say, Ellie Goulding, I doubt that I would be able to tell them apart.

The question of expectations makes me wonder about the ultimate value of a project such as things one. If you, as a fan of Adams and Swift, are disappointed by the project while I see it, at best, as enjoyable but ultimately inessential, how meaningful is a project such as the one? Is there a level of execution that would have made this a genuine artistic success? As much as I love cover songs, it seems like it's sort of project necessarily has a built in ceiling of "enjoyable but inessential". The only full-album cover that comes to mind that is rises even slightly above that level is Petra Haden's version of The Who Sell Out, which was a fairly dramatic reinvention. Can there be an earnest full album cover that is successful beyond the conceptual level?

DS: There is a criticism of Adams that comes up frequently—though it feels less true nowadays—that he is too prolific for his own good. This could be relevant here. He had the idea to cover 1989 and had to make it happen immediately. There are parts that feel like they are simply there because he committed himself to it and the project became more compulsion than anything else. 

I feel like he is well intentioned and some parts work while other parts don't. The same thing could be said for any non cover record. But when it comes to cover records, those things can be easily exacerbated because you are essentially retooling something that already exists. 

Covers are primarily for fun, unless an artist has an absolutely unique take that truly makes it artistically valuable. 

I think where Adams fall short, for me, is that there wasn't an interesting enough idea for every song to necessitate a cover album. This could have been a strong EP, but so many times it feels like he just fell back on stripping them down to a minimalistic acoustic version with altered lyrics. It doesn't feel like a Ryan Adams record. It feels like a Taylor Swift record rerecorded by Ryan Adams—which doesn't make this a valuable addition to his oeuvre. 

Chris Alarie is Senior Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine.
Doug Slayton is Professor Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine.

---

1 It also probably doesn't help that the Screaming Females have already done a much better cover of this song.^↩
2 Which is an interesting coutnerpoint to the archness with which Swift sings in the original and the sneering, blase irony of Father John Misty's cover^↩
3 I prefer Adams's version.^↩

Laura Died Two Days Ago, I Lost You Years Ago

By Nicole Mckeon

Laura died two days ago

I lost you years ago.

Once the ribbons fell away

(they leapt from your hair like it was on fire)

you were on fire

burning bright

            burning fast

you left me for a boy

you left me for dark eyes

and wet, red lips

you grew out of me

            like a pair of jeans

but I'm still here

if you want to find me

Nicole McKeon is forever a student. She currently lives on the top of a hill with her partner and dog. She can be found playing video games when she’s supposed to be writing poems. 

Three Pizza Poems

by the Editorial Staff of Uncanny Valley Magazine

Holy Trinity (Cheese, Crust, Sauce)
by Chris Alarie

I suspect that God
created Pizza
so that there'd be one
thing in this sad world
incapable of
disappointing us

A bone thrown our way
A sole island in
life's wretched ocean
Free of consequence
A lower limit
afforded to all

Given the choice
between pizza
and any of life's
eventual disappointments
a person whose
soul is intact
would choose pizza
every time


No Subject
by Douglas Slayton

I am at the bottom
and can't see up

I am standing still
and can't find the next step

I can't taste it anymore
but I am sitting in the dark
swallowing as fast as I can

if I fill it fast it can't keep growing


Pizza
by Alexis Faulkner

grease

slices soaked in all types of extra sauces and maybe olives 

pepperoni mushroom anchovy

tropical hambits and piña with your more 

adventure-driven buddies

grease again and 

extra cheese

sprinkled with cheese dust on top 

also garlic pesto basil 

thanks to Chicago and Brooklyn 

Blondies, Tony's and Little Star

I have too many people to thank

I'm running out of time 

I love you, earth pizza

I love you

Alexis Faulkner is Executive Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine. 
Chris Alarie is Senior Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine.
Doug Slayton is Professor Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine.

A Desperate Person

by Chris Alarie

Chris Alarie is Senior Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine.

Three Ice Cream Poems

by the Editorial Staff of Uncanny Valley Magazine

Paragraph City
by Douglas Slayton

When all of this is over,
I will be alone again on this curb,
colder than ever,
but I needed it more than anything.

Ice Cream Sandwich
by Chris Alarie

I saw a jogger
run toward me and just
for something to do

I stepped into him
deliberately
in a heap we fell

Clambered to the ground
arms, legs entangled
mess of confusion

"If I can't eat an
ice cream sandwich, what
the fuck is the point?!"

I shouted at him
bewildered he tried
to get up and run

But I held fast to
his ankle and he
had nowhere to go



Ice Cream
by Alexis Faulkner

Once upon a time  
A favorite friend of mine was very cold  
And very fickle about staying in a single shape 
As the heat was taking over my own format 
I'd find her always pleasant and always comforting 
And always willing to lend her charm 
To my sadness and my dramatic longing 
So sweet and so consistent 
So caring and so available 
And yet her older, colder sister has now taken over 
As my continuous daydream resident  
And my go to peacemaker  
I'm sorry, ice cream 
Were your spirit less fleeting  
Were your cascade more peaceful and confident 
Had you plagued my guilty palette with less force 
I could have kept you as my ice queen  
Snow is what I reach for  
Even in the sunshine of the summer season  
Even in my loneliest moment  
I am sure I could fade away in an instant 
If flakes formed a frozen lake  
For resting and ice fishing and snow angels 

Alexis Faulkner is Executive Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine. 
Chris Alarie is Senior Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine.
Doug Slayton is Professor Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine.

A Horse for a Haircut

by Chris Alarie

Chris Alarie is Senior Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine.

My Important Podcast with Chris Alarie: Episode 8

by Chris Alarie

This week on "My Important Podcast with Chris Alarie", Doug explains what a podcast is. Listen & learn.




Chris Alarie is Senior Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine.
Doug Slayton is Professor Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine.

Three Oakland Poems

by the Editorial Staff of Uncanny Valley Magazine

There Was Something I Just Thought Of (Sixth)

by Douglas Slayton

When it was late I'd stand under the lights

on the platform, waiting for the rattle

of the tracks, as the dark blue black of night

sinks my cover of yellow light crackle.

I miss the moon hanging over my bed,

when I had no where to be the next day.

I miss nights that were quiet in my head

and the bed wasn't mine but I could stay.

I wasn't scared of the streets I walked

knowing they'd be around in the morning.

I hate every night like the one we talked.

You're in my clothes, more with every washing.

I remember every night, they haunt me,

and how the last train was always empty.

Walk Home

by Chris Alarie

A shot sounds at a sideshow

And does not disrupt a thing

Danger is likely, life is lively

Catch a fade, go dumb, super hyphy

A crowd gathers at a warehouse

Tangle of noise & limbs & beer

Money for the touring bands, please

How strange that somebody lives here

Bobby & Huey

Huey & Officer Frey

Little Bobby Hutton

Huey & Tyrone Robinson

New Year's Eve, I walk home

From MacArthur BART, drunk

In the rain, the long way

Past Casper's Hot Dogs twice

Sick to my stomach of

Myself and everything

I buy some Gatorade

Watch The Simpsons 'til dawn

I live here, I am home

Is the bullet hole in the

Window of 'Lectric Washouse

Still there? I wonder, years later

Home

by Alexis Faulkner

Can take your heart at any time

Fashion it into a pretzel shield

And then squeeze all of the blood all over the shoes

Of your tribe

Oakland is a mess of palm trees

And basketball courts and friendly faces

Sometimes turned worried into that frantic well of loneliness and misdirection

It is the punks that press you back into shape

It is the hippies that make you know love

It is the lake that shows you dead catfish

Even the dying are happy to pass

At home

Ivy Drive

The stories I am missing show me that this was a young place

But parents shot at everything

Wrote it all down

My first memory, big shake and smashing the whole kitchen

My mom wrote it in October 1989

Garfield Avenue

The one lemons were three lemons and everyone stopped by to hustle up the tree while my family wasn’t looking

I put my black cat in the swing and Uboo never gave me hell

And Giamocha lent his tail to every occasion

Plum wine, we said, as fruit rained down over the roof

Too many rotten on the concrete

Rottweilers, neighbors and our own kept us all over that hood

Busted hydrants for summer

Winter

Winter was homeless there

Winter has no place in Oakland

My baby sister

My baby bunk beds

My Easter Bunny

My salad of nasturtiums

My friends in Diamond Heights

The school of Redwood Heights

The hills of Grandma lavender and her chemistry

Ever July planning on planting more bushes

A new millennium on Vernon Street

Junk

We had a lot of junk but I kept our books in the best order of the English alphabet And just stuffed the rest in the closet

There was a black cat there too who was sweet with luck

But less than the magic one

BART and the 57 kept late nights up later and long walks up that sunnyslope never felt less than Everest

I haven’t the best habits about keeping memories

Locked in order

I haven’t the best record of where

Shattuck Avenue

The concrete that touched my house touched a cherry plum tree and it broke apart

And threw me off my bike

Gave me the feeling that Oakland would never change

The city would flood and drain with fresh thousands and the streets

Would always be unpaved

This place was right near Ashby

The house had not only been for me

Psychedelic leave-behinds, sharpie skinhead cartoons, tchotchkes generations old

Every crusty creeper in Berkeley left vibes on Shattuck

Shattuck Avenue was a double exposure of holding hands

And spinning as hard as the wind ever blows

Overtop small shadows of dark leaves and flowers

Precious and brilliant and wanting a harder party and never looking back

In the end, we got robbed and I moved back to San Francisco

The best July was the roof on Alcatraz Avenue

First holiday stop: Berkeley Roses

But the view was no good and I’m glad we went back to base

The television volume broke my patience a thousand times over

But this time drowned completely by a campaign of flames

I loved every minute of that dangerous display

I wish memories were something final

I wish memories were easy to keep filed in your brain

And they were an exact representation of a time and place

But mostly they are shifting

Mostly they suit my best fantasy about my own life

All I want to remember

All I can remember

I remember being friends and being in Love with Oakland

Alexis Faulkner is Executive Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine. 
Chris Alarie is Senior Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine.
Doug Slayton is Professor Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine.

For The Right Moment

by Alexis Faulkner

Alexis Faulkner is Executive Editor-in-Chief of Uncanny Valley Magazine.